Several years ago, I led a women's group focused on career and life transitions. Members were seeking meaningful changes at midlife. One of the reflective homework assignments was for them to walk a labyrinth, a meditative exercise with research-supported benefits.
One member, who was battling cancer at the time, shared her frustrations with this exercise. She wandered around with increasing irritation, trying to find the labyrinth’s entry point. Angry and tired, she sat down on a nearby bench. When she looked up, she realized that the path was straight ahead, clear as day.
This experience became a metaphor for her, that you sometimes need to step back to step forward, to be open to what emerges.
Midlife is like that. Significant, sometimes painful shifts happen, often simultaneously. Kids grow up. Jobs plateau. Bodies age. Loved ones pass away. We are no longer young, but we are far from old. It’s easy to feel restless and rudderless, unfocused and confused, and it’s hard to trust the process.
As a coach, facilitator, and educator, I’ve worked with hundreds of people as they navigated midlife transitions. For some people, it’s the endings that trip them up. They mourn roads not taken and have trouble letting go of the past. For others, careers that shaped a sense of self have lost their luster, or opportunities not seized invite feelings of regret.
For many, it’s the messy middle that is most difficult, when life isn’t working but the future is fuzzy. We feel lost and confused. We are clear about what we don’t want, but not sure what to do about it. We want the path ahead to be well-lit and obvious. It rarely is.
It’s normal to want to jump right into new beginnings, ignoring the loss of endings or the discomfort of the messy middle. Yet there is a lot to gain from being intentional, from carving out time and space to set a course for what’s next. To step back before stepping forward.
Drawing on the work of Professor Herminia Ibarra, an internationally renowned authority on leadership and transitions, here are some strategies for navigating successful midlife transitions.
Reflect, but not for too long. Think about what’s important to you, get clear on your interests and values, and know your strengths. But don’t try to think your way into a new life. It’s too easy to overthink and get stuck in analysis paralysis. Pause, analyze, and then test the waters. It’s okay to start small.
Embrace an open mind. Be open to new opportunities and try on new identities. Be adaptable, experiment, and learn from the process. You don’t have to have it figured out to get started. It’s okay to pick a direction, try it out, and course correct as you go along.
Experiment with purpose. We sometimes make too big of a thing about finding purpose. Purpose isn’t necessarily grandiose: It can be found in the small building blocks that create a life of meaning and authenticity.
Don’t go it alone. Find people who are in a similar place in life who can offer perspective and support. We do better when we process our thoughts and emotions out loud. Find people who can listen, reflect back, and offer constructive feedback. Reflecting in isolation can lead to getting stuck. What is needed are fresh perspectives, insights, accountability, and access to new networks of people.
Headwinds abound when we try to shift our careers and lives. To move forward with excitement and confidence, you need to blend reflection with experimentation, vision with action.
You also need people who can help you navigate the twists and turns of transition, people who listen from the heart, bring new eyes to your journey, and have your back. It’s a process of stepping back while stepping forward and opening yourself up to the marvelous possibilities that await.
Whether you’re looking to shift the focus of your career, deepen your relationships, or discover new purpose and fulfillment, The Midlife Academy is a place to explore what’s next—a community for those at midlife and beyond to renew, transform, and chart a course for the future.